These gaseous observations were made by junior high, high schools and
>  collage students around the world.  It is truly astonishing what weird
>  science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and
>  grades.  From test papers and essays submitted to science and health
>  teachers, here is a dissertation of loopy, unscientific english:
>
>
>  "When you breath, you inspire.  When you do not breath, you expire."
>
>  "H O is hot water, and CO  is cold water"
>    2                      2
>  "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"
>
>  "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"
>
>  "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free
>  state"
>
>  "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.  Oxygin is pure
>  gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
>
>
>     Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars
>
>     Blood flows down one leg and up the other
>
>     Respiration is composed of twa acts, first inspiration, and then
>     expectoration.
>
>     The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
>
>     Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead
>     of the bull.
>
>     Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes
>     them perspire
>
>     A super saturated solution is one that holds more then it can hold.
>
>     Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
>
>     The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the
>     abominable cavity.  The brainium contains the brain, the borax
>     contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the
>     bowls, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
>
>     The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects.
>
>     The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
>
>     The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out
>     and the outsides have ben taken off.  The purpose of the skeleton is
>     something to hitch meat to.
>
>     A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids,
>     two molars, and eight cuspidors.
>
>     The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon.  All water tends
>     towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature
>     abhors a vacuum.  I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
>
>     A fossil is an extinct animal.  The older it is, the more extinct it
>     is.
>
>     Many women belive that an alcoholic binge will have no ill effects
>     on the unborn fetus, but that is a large misconception.
>
>  How would you grade these daffy definitions?:
>
>     Equator:  A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
>
>     Germinate:  To become a naturalized German.
>
>     Liter: A nest of young puppies.
>
>     Magnet:  Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
>
>     Momentum:  What you give a person when they are going away
>
>     Planet:  A body of Earth surrounded by sky.
>
>     Rhubarb:  A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
>
>     Vacumm:  A large, empty space where the pope lives.
>
>  To close todays lab report, I offer these nuggets of scientific wisdom.
>  Each one an unretouched classroom classic:
>
>     Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
>     affirmative or negative.
>
>     To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
>
>     For a nosebleed:  Put the nose much lower then the body until the
>     heart stops.
>
>     For drowning:  Climb on top of the person and move up and down to
>     make artifical perspiration.
>
>     For fainting:  Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm
>     above the hand instead.  Or put the head between the knees of the
>     nearest medical doctor.
>
>     For snakebites:  Bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for
>     shock.
>
>     For dog bite:  put the dog away for sevral days.  If he has not
>     recovered, then kill it.
>
>     For asphyxiation:  Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
>     dead.
>
>     To prevent contraception:  wear a condominium.
>
>     For head cold:  use and agonizer to spray the nose untill it drops in
>     your throat.
>
>     To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
>