>WARNING:  This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
>
>WARNING:  This product attracts every other piece of matter in the
>universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force
>proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the
>distance between them.
>
>CAUTION:  The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85
>million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
>
>HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE:  This product contains minute electrically
>charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million
>miles per hour.
>
>CONSUMER NOTICE:  Because of the Uncertainty Principle, it is impossible
>for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this
>product is and how fast it is moving.
>
>ADVISORY:  There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a
>process known as "tunneling," this product may spontaneously disappear from
>its present location and reappear at any random place in the universe,
>including your neighbor's domicile.  The manufacturer will not be
>responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
>
>READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE:  According to certain suggested version
>of a Grand Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting this product
>may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
>
>THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT:  In the unlikely event that this merchandise
>would contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
>
>PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW:  Any use of this product in any manner
>whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe.  Although
>no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process
>will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
>
>NOTE:  The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by
>a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive
>power can therefore not be permanently guaranteed.
>
>ATTENTION:  Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the
>consumer is advised that, in actuality, this product consists of
>99.99999999% empty space.
>
>NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER:  The manufacturer may technically be
>entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional.  However, the
>consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond
>those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new
>dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small "volume" that they cannot be
>detected.
>
>PLEASE NOTE:  Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer
>is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist
>only in a vague and undermined state.
>
>COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE:  The subatomic particles (electrons, protons,
>etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable
>respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim
>to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
>
>HEALTH WARNING:  Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its
>mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the
>user.
>
>IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS:  The entire physical universe, including
>this product, may one day collapse back into and infinitesimally small
>space.  Should another universe subsequently emerge, the existence of this
>product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
>
>-- Journal of Irreproducable Results (36.1)  by Susan Hewitt and Edward
>Subitzky
>