>REPORT:                  Toaster pastry combustibility test 
>
>EXPERIMENT DATE:         Sunday, September 18, 1994
>
>EXPERIMENT LOCATION:     NW Corner, Kearney & 7th Streets,
>                         Laramie, Wyoming
>
>NATURE OF EXPERIMENT:    Physical properties of overheated
>                         breakfast pastries within
>                         micro-radiant-convective environment;
>                         observed social effects of same.
>
>DESCRIPTION:   The purpose of this experiment was to place the
>common breakfast pastry in a radiant-convective micro-environment
>of high temperature, in order to observe ensuing physical
>manifestations.  Secondary purpose:  to determine whether social
>effects of overheated pastries.
>
>Previous test results (see Barry, 1991, p. @) indicate that
>overheating of said pastries should result in combustion of same,
>producing organic atmospheric compounds in the form of smoke,
>glowing combustion of organic material in the form of flames, and
>possibly partial or total destruction of the laboratory
>apparatus.
>
>The experiment was commenced at 12:45 pm Mountain Daylight Time. 
>The principal investigator, R. Hunt, having previously obtained
>the laboratory apparatus (one General Electric chrome-plated
>four-slot toaster, approximately 10 years old), cleared a
>workspace of about 8 x 8 feet in the lab environment behind his
>house, between the back door and the hedge.  Nearby were placed
>the other needed materials: two (2) Kellogg's-brand
>Pop-Tarts(tm), with strawberry-flavored filling manufactured by
>Smuckers, Inc; one (1) extension cord; one (1) fire extinguisher;
>one (1) garden hose; and one (1) camera, for recording the
>experiment by photo-optical means.
>
>Hunt's lab assistant, S. Jones (R. Hunt's spouse), the designated
>experiment recorder of record, maintained the camera in ready
>position.  Hunt's other lab assistant, Z. Hunt (R. Hunt's
>offspring, age 4.5 years), was on hand to provide philosophical
>meaning to the experiment ("WHY are you burning up our toaster,
>Dad?")  (A third member of the research team, assistant assistant
>lab assistant E. Hunt, age 1.667 years, was not present in the
>laboratory setting, due to a pre-scheduled nap.)
>
>Hunt connected the toaster via the lengthy (approx. 10 feet)
>extension cord to a 110-volt AC wall socket, to supply energy. 
>Hunt then removed the silver-colored Mylar foil from the two Pop-
>Tarts and placed them in slots 1 and 2 of the toaster.  Next,
>using a rigid oblong wooden safety device consisting of an
>ordinary broom handle (broom attached), Hunt moved the toaster
>trigger to the "Engaged" position, and held it there.
>
>Following is a chronology of events:
>
>12:45:00:      Toaster triggering mechanism engaged.  Coils
>               within all four toaster slots observed energizing
>               with radiant heat.
>12:46:00       Convective heat waves observed rising from all
>               four toaster slots.  Fragrant, faint strawberry
>               odor detected wafting from toaster slots 1 and 2
>               (containing pastries).
>12:47:00       Continuation of heat-waving and fragrance-emitting
>               phenomena; no observable change in experimental
>               vicinity; observable change in assistant lab
>               assistant Z. Hunt's behavior ("Are they burning
>               yet??")
>12:47:30       Toaster begins audible sound-wave emissions, best
>               described as a cross between a buzz and a rattle.
>12:48:00       Faint odor of over-cooked pastries begins wafting
>               over test site.  Buzz/rattle continues.
>12:48:30       Visible organic-compound gases (smoke tendrils)
>               emerge from slots 1 and 2.  Death-rattle
>               continues, seeming to grow louder and more
>               desperate.
>12:49:00       Smoke has thickened to steady stream pouring from
>               open toaster slots.  Fragrant Pop-Tart odor has
>               now changed in character to rancid pseudo-
>               strawberry stench.
>12:49:30       First sighting of flames emerging from toaster
>               slots 1 and 2.  Smoke belching forth in large
>               quantities.  Discoloration of toaster's formerly-
>               shiny chrome exterior detected.
>12:49:45       Flames reach height of approximately nine inches,
>               accompanied by vaguely-disturbing "crackling"
>               sound from within slots 1 and 2.  Smoke thick
>               enough to cut with knife (Swiss Army, model 37-Z). 
>               Assistant lab assistant Z. Hunt asks, "Why are you
>               burning up our toaster, Dad?"
>12:50:00       EXPERIMENT ABORTED at this point when lab
>               assistant S. Jones, at the camera, discovers she
>               has no film and thus no photographs of experiment.
>12:50 to 12:55 Laboratory site cleaned up.
>1:00 to 1:20   Lab assistant S. Jones, accompanied by assistant
>               lab assistant Z. Hunt, drive to flea market to
>               obtain replacement toaster, muttering.  Principal
>               investigator R. Hunt prepares site for next round
>               of testing.
>1:24:00        New toaster (Signature brand, chrome-plated with
>               hideous lime-green trim in dead-giveaway of
>               late-1960s color scheme, two slots) placed in
>               experimental setting.  Extension cord connected. 
>               Two Pop-Tarts inserted.  Toaster trigger deployed
>               with broom handle.  Assistant lab assistant Z.
>               Hunt provides philosophical commentary ("We're
>               burning up ANOTHER toaster!") to next-door-
>               neighbor kids (ages 5, 6, and 7) who have gathered
>               as experimental observers.
>1:26:00        Smoke begins rising SILENTLY from both slots. 
>               Observers noted a distinct lack of any buzzing,
>               rattling, or other signs of toaster distress.  It
>               was also pointed out that smoke commencement in
>               this toaster environment occurred a full thirty
>               seconds earlier than in the previous round.
>1:27:00        Dense, heavy cloud of genuinely-smelly smoke wafts
>               over observers.  Nasal examination indicates that
>               smoke flavor consists of rapidly-charring Pop-
>               Tarts along with approximately 25-year's worth of
>               ancient toast fragments, now undergoing
>               incineration.
>1:28:00        First flames emerge from toaster slots.  Unlike
>               previous round, flames almost immediately attain a
>               respectable height of approx. one foot. 
>               Neighborhood kids disappear.
>1:28:30        Genuinely scary-looking flames shoot from mouths
>               of toaster slots (not unlike those reported by
>               Barry, 1994, p. 65), attaining maximum height of
>               approx. 1.66667 feet.  Toaster exterior has begun
>               changing color to an alarming shade of "dark". 
>               Observers report seeing curled-up Pop-Tart husks
>               rapidly shriveling inside toaster slots,
>               accompanied by loud crackling noise with
>               occasional sizzles.  Lab assistant S. Jones
>               observed coughing as smoke drifts in her direction
>               and complaining about "for better for worse, but
>               nobody mentioned THIS".  Assistant lab assistant
>               Z. Hunt observed yelling to strangers walking dog
>               across the street, "HEY!! My Dad's burning up our
>               toaster!  On purpose!"  (Strangers observed
>               accelerating to a trot as they continue across
>               intersection.)
>1:29:00        Having deemed experiment a rousing success, R.
>               Hunt releases broom handle and unplugs extension
>               cord.  No appreciable reduction in flames or smoke
>               detected.
>1:29:30        R. Hunt aims garden hose at still-flaming toaster
>               while S. Jones turns on water.  Massive cloud of
>               steam erupts as water hits toaster, accompanied by
>               extremely satisfying hissing sound.
>1:30:00        Experiment concluded as soggy toaster, with
>               pathetic-looking burnt shriveled waterlogged Pop-
>               Tarts still inside, is ceremoniously carried to
>               isolated metal containment facility (conveniently
>               located out by curb for next-day pickup) and
>               dropped inside with a gratifying THUD.  Assistant
>               lab assistant Z. Hunt's friend from down the
>               street, Neil, shows up and wants to know when we
>               will be burning up the NEXT toaster, so he can
>               watch, too.
>
>OVERALL CONCLUSIONS:  In general, the experiment succeeded the
>experimenter's expectations.  The production of scary-looking
>flames was the definite highlight of the whole thing, observers
>agreed.  The accidental aborting of the first experimental round
>provided an additional bonus, by affording a comparison of 1980s-
>vintage and 1960s-vintage toasters.  It was agreed by all present
>that the 1960s model produced by far the better results,
>including the following:
>*    More, thicker, and darker smoke;
>*    Bigger flames;
>*    No annoying death-rattle, to distract observers;
>*    More fragrant odors, due to presence of ancient breadcrumbs
>     and bagel-parts below cooking-planes in slots;
>*    Better audience participation.
>
>In general, the results reported by previous experiment D. Barry
>(1994, pp. 63-65) were confirmed.  Additional work might include: 
>(a) utilization of different-flavored Pop-Tarts; (b) variations
>in the toaster environment, including age, brand, and content
>and/or quantity of previous crumb-deposits; and (c) performance
>of the experiment indoors, so as to avoid potential uncontrolled
>interruptions of the experimental environment by passers-by such
>as police, who, it is speculated, may not be sensitive to the
>delicate demands of pure scientific research.
>
>REFERENCES:    Barry, D. (1994)  "Tarts Afire", in _Dave Barry Is
>               Not Making This Up_.  New York:  Crown Publishers,
>               Inc., pp. 63-65.