>                           The Warning Signs Of Insanity
>                     ---------------------------------------
> 
>   1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and
>       then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
>   2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that
>       you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
>   3. You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
>   4. You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends
>       you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
>   5. Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve
>       yourself on it.
>   6. You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of
>       evil dandruff spirits.
>   7. You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for
>       setting fire to his lawn decorations.
>   8. Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
>   9. People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
> 10. Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
> 11. You laugh out loud during funerals.
> 12. When your doctor tells you to say ah, you yell out "RAPE! RAPE!"
> 13. Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you
>       through that scuba mask.
> 14. You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've
>       stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one
>       day seek revenge.
> 15. You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.
> 16. Your father pretends you don't exist, just to play along with your
>       little illusion.
> 17. You collect dead windowsill flies.
> 18. Everytime the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its
>       wings!"
> 19. You like cats.  Especially with mayo.
> 20. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people who try to sell you things.
> 21. You scream "I've got a knife!" to people at your family reunion.
> 22. You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they
>       weren't rescued.
> 23. You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.
> 24. Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.
> 25. You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.
> 26. You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the
>       middle of your front lawn.
> 27, Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on
>       it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.
> 28. Melba toast excites you.
> 29. When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to
>       tell him, because "the napkins have ears."
> 30. You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.
> 31. Every time you see the commercial for the Hair Club For Men, you think
>       to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."
> 32. You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for
>       a few minutes.
> 33. Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.
> 34. Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"
> 35. You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala
>       or to be loved by an infectious disease.
> 36. You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and
>       pretend that you're a stalk.
> 37. You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.
> 38. You try to make a list of the Warning Signs of Insanity. (cough)
> 39. People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a
>       violation of your rights as a boysenberry.
> 40. You like reading lists like this. :)