You are considered a Redneck if ............

 - Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
 - You've ever used lard in bed.
 - You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
 - There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house.
 - You consider a six-pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
 - Less than half the cars you own run.
 - Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips when she tells the
      State Trooper to kiss her ass.
 - Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by the ceiling fan.
 - Your mother has ever been involbed in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
 - You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
 - The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
 - Your brother-in-law is also your Uncle.
 - You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"
      was snubbed for Best Picture.
 - You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading and like the pictures too.
 - You prominently display the gift you bought at Graceland.
 - The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute".
 - Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
 - You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
 - You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
 - The most common phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you
      looking at, Shithead?"
 - You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
 - You think Campho-phenique is a miracle drug.
 - You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
 - Your father encouraged you to quit school because Larry had an opening
        on the lube rack.
 - You think Volvo is a part of a woman's anatomy.
 - You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
 - You've been too drunk to fish.
 - You have a rag for a gas cap.
 - You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
 - Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.