from a sign in the Copenhagen Airport:
     "We take your bags and send them in all directions!"

on a Swiss menu:
     "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for!"

from a Soviet weekly:
     "There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic 
painters and sculptors.  These were executed over the past two years."

in a Rome laundry:
     "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good 
time."

in a London hotel:
     "Please call the front desk if you wish to be knocked up in the 
morning."


>>  In a Tokyo Hotel:
>>        Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please.  If you are not a person
>>        to do such thing is please not to read notis.
>>
>>  In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
>>        The lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we
>>        regret that you will be unbearable.
>>
>>  In a Leipzig elevator:
>>        Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
>>
>>  In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
>>        To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor.  If the cabin
>>        should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
>>        wishing floor.  Driving is then going alphabetically by national
>>        order.
>>
>>  In a Paris hotel elevator:
>>        Please leave your values at the front desk.
>>
>>  In a hotel in Athens:
>>        Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours
>>        of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
>>
>>  In a Yugoslavian hotel:
>>        The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
>>        chambermaid.
>>
>>  In a Japanese hotel:
>>        You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
>>
>>  In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
>>        You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
>>        Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
>>        Thursday.
>>
>>  In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
>>        Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
>>        boots of ascension.
>>
>>  On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
>>        Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
>>
>>  On the menu of a Polish hotel:
>>        Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
>>        in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers
>>        beaten up in the country people's fashion.
>>
>>  Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
>>        Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
>>
>>  In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
>>        Drop your trousers here for best results.
>>
>>  Outside a Paris dress shop:
>>        Dresses for street walking.
>>
>>  In a Rhodes tailor shop:
>>        Order your summers suit.  Because is big rush we will execute
>>        customers in strict rotation.
>>
>>  Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
>>        There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
>>        painters and sculptors.  These were executed over the past two
>>        years.
>>
>>  A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
>>        It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
>>        people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together
>>        in one tent unless they are married with each other for that
>>        purpose.
>>
>>  In a Zurich hotel:
>>        Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
>>        sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this
>>        purpose.
>>
>>  In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
>>        Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
>>
>>  In a Rome laundry:
>>        Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
>>        good time.
>>
>>  In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
>>        Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
>>        miscarriages.
>>
>>  Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
>>        Would you like to ride on your own ass?
>>
>>  In a Swiss mountain inn:
>>        Special today -- no ice cream.
>>
>>  In a Bangkok temple:
>>        It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
>>        man.
>>
>>  In a Tokyo bar:
>>        Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
>>
>>  In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
>>        We take your bags and send them in all directions.
>>
>>  On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
>>        If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
>>
>>  In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
>>        Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
>>
>>  In a Budapest zoo:
>>        Please do not feed the animals.  If you have any suitable food,
>>        give it to the guard on duty.
>>
>>  In the office of a Roman doctor:
>>        Specialist in women and other diseases.
>>
>>  In an Acapulco hotel:
>>        The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
>>
>>  In a Tokyo shop:
>>        Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
>>        the long run.
>>
>>  >From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
>>        Cooles and Heates:  If you want just condition of warm in your
>>        room, please control yourself.
>>
>>  >From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
>>        When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.  Trumpet
>>        him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage
>>        then tootle him with vigor.
>>
>>  Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
>>        -   English well talking.
>>        -   Here speeching American.