Newsgroups: alt.cesium
Path: news.cc.swarthmore.edu!psuvax1!uwm.edu!spool.mu.edu!torn!watserv2.uwaterloo.ca!watmath!undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca!descartes.uwaterloo.ca!jwvhewit
From: jwvhewit@descartes.uwaterloo.ca (Guelph Erronious)
Subject: Does alt.cesium require a FAQ?
Message-ID: <C5HJnx.I2z@undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca>
Keywords: Kibbles, Topol, Algebra
Sender: news@undergrad.math.uwaterloo.ca
Organization: University of Waterloo
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 1993 18:07:08 GMT
Lines: 41

	I laughed wholeheartedly as she pulled the dustcover off of the new
invention. With a slightly more than ironic glimmer in my eye I considered for
the first time how far I had actually gone just for a pretty face and a glass
of iced tea.
	"So", I asked, "How far do you intend on taking it?"
	"As far as it wants", she replied, and every bit of phallic imagery in my
heart and soul told me that she was speaking the cindered truth.
	The machine was silver and fast and it reminded me of my days as a drag
queen in venice, listening to Leonard Cohen and fuelling the popular imaginations
with french accents and pantomime. But this time, for the first time in my life,
I knew that it was for real. Yeah, and I had the papercuts to prove it...
	"You'll have to start it yourself, of course", she told me, and her
rosy disposition suddenly gained the icy coldness of a dead penguin. I felt
worried- what if so much lemon cleanser could only amout to a finite change?
I anticipated failure, and even worse I imagined it...
	"It goes in the slot", she directed.
	It felt like the first time I ever solved a differential equation. Man,
what a stigma rush! Her words directed my every motion, like a trained puppy on
wires, as I picked up the golden ingot and dropped it down the chute.
	silence.
	Then, like the thunderous copulating of a million gods and goddesses at
once the machine sprung to life, new energy clasping at every riven and seam,
threatening to shake apart the frail reality which prevented haddock from
obtaining opposable digits.
	A lump of cesium, of about the same size and shape of the gold ingot,
fell into the bluegreen container of oil.
	"Success!!!", I screamed, with all the enthusiasm of the first caveman
to ever set himself on fire. A dream turned dessert topping come true- the
gold to cesium conversion device.
	The lovely professor was sitting in the bejeweled bagel lawnchair that
we save just for occasions like this. She was foaming at the mouth and making
dolphin noises again; I decided to leave her to celebrate in her own way.
	I picked up the tape containing the last thirty episodes of Wheel of
Fortune, stuck it in my packsack, and headed for the door. Now that the machine
was working, there were some people that I had to pay a visit to, and boy would
they be sorry if they had only seen the lawn dart...

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-----==== Guelph Erronious is really jwvhewitt@descartes.uwaterloo.ca ====-----
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