STARTREK: The Next Gathering <title> </head> <body> <h1>STARTREK: The Next Gathering</h1> <H3>For more Magic: The Gathering humor, check out <a href="http://www.cs.swarthmore.edu/~binde/magic/index.html">Magic: The Humor</A></H3> The following is a parody. It was created with humourous intent and is by no means intended to ursurp any registered trademarks. <pre> Spacebound == Cannot attack unless opponent has Space in play. Is buried any time controller has no Space in play. Warp Factor 9 4UU Enchantment While Warp Factor 9 is in play, all your sorceries and encantments are played with the speed of an interrupt. You must tap one Scottie each upkeep or Warp Factor 9 is removed from play. Scotties tapped in this manner cannot untap until Warp Factor 9 is removed from play. Scottie WWW Summon Engineer T: Prevent 1 point of damage to any target OR Do 1 point of damage to any target OR Add (1) to your mana pool OR Tap any card in play OR Untap any tapped card in play "Scottie, you're a miracle worker" -- Capt. James T Kirk 1/1 Vulcan Advisor W Summon Vulcan While Vulcan Advisor is in play, if a player attempts to do something really, REALLY stupid, his or her opponent must say so and offer an explaination. "That would be highly illogical, opponent" 2/2 Klingon Warrior R Summon Klingon RRR: Increase toughness to 1 above damage taken this turn unless damage came from another Klingon Warrior Must attack each turn or Klingon Warrior is buried Enchantments which raise power or toughness cannot be cast on Klingon Warrior 2/2 Unstable Wormhole 3UUU Sorcery Target card is removed from the game. Transporter Accident BBB Enchant Two Creatures Target creatures become one creature with power and toughness equal to the combined power/toughness of the two creatures. Place a -1/-1 counter on the new creature each upkeep. Creatures die immediately if enchantment is removed. You must control at least one of the creatures enchanted, which must have a higher toughness than your opponent's creature. You become controller of the resulting creature. Space-Time Flux UUU Sorcery Take a card of yours which is no longer in play and bring it immediately back into play. This spell can affect cards in your graveyard or cards "removed from the game entirely". Shields XWW Enchantment Shields take all damage directed at you, to a maximum of X. X is reduced by 1 for each point of damage, unless a Scottie is tapped for each point of damage. Scotties tapped in this manner do not untap until Shields is removed from play. When X is 0 or less, Shields is removed from play. Adds (4) to the activation cost for all Transporter Chiefs. Phaser 3 Artifact 2T: Tap target creature 4T: Kill target creature 6T: Bury target creature Chief O'Brien WW Summon Transporter Chief WT:Remove target creature from combat or make target creature unblockable for remainder of turn. 1/1 Ferengi Merchant G Summon Ferengi T: Target spell is countered unless (1) is paid by caster. 1/1 Damon Tog 2GG Summon Damon All Ferengi in play gain +1/+1 and Space-Station-Walk 2/2 Cardasian BB Summon Cardasian 2/2 Gul Darheel 3BB Summon Gul All Cardsasians gain +1/+1 and T: do 1 point of damage to any Bajorran in play Bajorran G Summon Bajorran 1/1 Bajorran Resistance 2GG Enchantment All Bajorrans in play gain +1/+1 and T: do 1 point of damage to any Cardasian in play Bajorran Resistance is removed from play if no Bajorrans are in play. Cloaking Device UU Enchant Creature UU: Target creature cannot be target by any effects, nor can it particapte in any attack or defence until your next upkeep. Q 5000BWURG Summon Q T: Cast any summon, enchantment, instant, sorcery or interrupt you know. You do not have to have the card in your hand, library or collection, you just have to know what it does. This spell is cast with the speed of an interrupt and cannot be countered. Q is immune to all spells and effects. Q will not particapate in any attack or defence. Q cannot be resurrected, animated, or otherwise taken from the graveyard and back into your hand or play. oo/oo Capt James T Kirk 2W Summon Captain T: Take...a pause...for no... apparant....reason. Cannot harm any creature which appears obviously humanoid and female by its picture on its card. Capt James T Kirk will do no damage to female wizards. 2/2 Bones 2W Summon Doctor T: Prevent X-1 points of damage to target creature, where X is the amount of damage target creature has sustained this turn. "Bones! This man is dying!" "Damn it Jim! I'm a *doctor* not a.... Yeah...Right...." -- Overheard in Sick Bay. 2/2 Vulcan Mind Meld 3UU Sorcery Opponent must tell you *exactly* what he or she intends to do on his or her next turn. If the actions of your opponent are not as specified, you opponent will lose half his or her remaining life points. Guardian of Forever 10 Artifact 10T: Bring a card which is no longer in play back into play, including cards removed from the game OR 10T: Search through your library and bring any one card into play immediately, shuffling your library afterwards OR 10XT: Search through the first X cards in your library and arange them in any order, placing them back on top of your library. You must spend (10) to untap Guardian of Forever. Tribble G Summon Tribble For each point of damage a Tribble inflicts, a new Tribble is created. Represent new Tribbles with tokens. Tribbles represented by tokens have the same stats and abilities as Tribbles represented by cards. 1/1 Holodeck 6 Artifact T&Sacrifice Holodeck: Remove all your cards from the Startrek: The Next Gathering expansion and play a sub-game of Magic: The Gathering, starting with 10 life points. The winner of this sub game may place his or her ST:TNG cards back into his/her library. The loser of the sub game must finish the main game without these cards. Enterprise 5WWWW Summon Starship Flying, Spacebound During upkeep, controller can spend (3) and T to separate Enterprise into a 1/4 Saucer Section and a 7/4 Battle Section. Represent Saucer Section with a token. Saucer Section enters game tapped. Battle Section gains First Strike. To rejoin, controller must spend (3) and T. Enterprise may not attack until it has received damage. 8/8 Space-Station 6 Land T: Add (1) to mana pool OR Prevent 1 damage to any starship Klingon Bird Of Prey 9 Summon Starship Flying, Spacebound (2): Cannot be targetted by any effects or participate in any attack or defence until your next upkeep +2/+2 if you have any Klingon Warriors in play 7/7 Romulan War Bird 9 Artifact Creature Flying, Spacebound (2): Cannot be targetted by any effects or participate in any attack or defence until your next upkeep 8/8 Mox Dilihium 0 Artifact T: Add (1) to your mana pool Phaser Lock 2RR Enchantment Choose a creature in play. While creature and Phaser Lock are in play, you can spend (1) to do one point of damage to the target creature. This damage is at the speed of an interrupt. During upkeep, you can change target creatures. Phaser Lock is removed from play if the creature it is targetting is removed from play. "Mr Worf, how fast can you get a phaser lock?" "Fast." Space Land T: Add (2) to mana pool. This mana can be used only to summon a Starship. Supernova 4RR Instant You and your opponent each choose one basic land type. All basic lands of these two land types become Space. Only affects basic land cards. Giant Space Baby 5G Summon Space Baby Spacebound, flying T: Tap any Starship in play. 6/6 Prime Directive 1W Enchantment While Prime Directive is in play, players may not target their opponents or their opponents' creatures with any spells or targetted effects. At the end of caster's turn, place a counter on Prime Directive. Caster must spend W for each counter on Prime Directive or Prime Directive is removed from play. Klingon High Council 3R Summon High Council During controller's upkeep, flip a coin with opponent calling it in the air. If the coin lands in the controller's favour, all Klingons controlled by him or her gain +2/+1 and all Klingon Birds of Prey gain +1/+1. If coin lands in opponents favour, all Klingons in play belonging to the opponents of the controller of Klingon High Council opponents gain +2/+1 and all opponents' Klingon Birds of Prey gain +1/+1. Genisis Project 4 Artifact Sacrifice a land to regenerate a Vulcan. Red Shirt Security Officer W Summon Expendable Crewman Bands Must participate in every attack or defence it is able to. Must Band with at least one creature if it is able to. Must take all damage assigned to the band. "Captain, I think I found something over....Aaaaarrrrggg*" </pre> </body> </html>