|
From: Scott-Nicholson@wizards.com
Stop all this Monty Python Nonsense. It's SILLY! Let's do something military...some marching, perhaps.
March 2W
Gives creature banding ability.
"I'll scratch your eyes out..."
Now. That's better. Wait...what's that (looking up).. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH **SPLAT**
16-Ton weight 4
Must be dropped from at least 3 feet. Destroys all below it.
(like chaos orb, no "flipping")
Or.....
Piano 2B
May only be used if player has Plains in play. Destroys any one creature.
"Standing out in the middle of the field, Mr. Phlegm thought he would be safe from falling pianos."
And Now for Something Completely Different 2W
Obliterates ALL CARDS except the player's library. All cards in hand, in graveyard, and in play are put aside and not used. Each player reshuffles the remainder of their deck, adds a card to the ante, and draws 7 new cards. Cards put aside may not be used for the rest of the game in any way.
Dinsdale 4GGG
This creature eats one creature from either side (determined with a die roll) per round. When he is the only creature, he eats himself.
(Stop that...that's silly.)
and, of course.....
THE SPANISH INQUISITION
(noooooooobody expects the spanish inquisition)
1B
When the Spanish Inquisition is hidden under an
Illusionary Mask, or is otherwise hidden before
use, it gains X/X, where X is the number of Spanish
Inquisitions in play.
THE COMFY CHAIR 4
Tap to heal one point of damage if the Spanish Inquisition is not on the owner's side. If the Spanish Inquisition is in play, the owner may tap both to do two points of damage to any creature.
THE SOFT PILLOWS 2
This enchantment adds one to the effect of THE COMFY CHAIR.
But, of course...
HOW NOT TO BE SEEN 2B
This enchantment allows a creature to "hide" until the owner's next untap phase. This creautre may not attack, block, or be effected by anything during this time.
THE "SPECIAL SCALES" WW
Like BALANCE, but caster of spell may keep one extra card in each category.
"It's a fair cop."
THE SILLY WALK 2B
Creature begins hopping around and acting silly. Creature must be untapped twice to fully untap. Any creature attacked by the "Silly Walked" creautre is -1/-1 due to confusion.
I NEVER WANTED TO BE A LUMBERJACK... 2W
Must be cast on a Human. The Human will then become a clone of another Human in play. (i.e. Sorcerer to N. Paladin).
THE SILLY MONKS 2B
These monks just walk through the battlefield every 3 turns, chanting Latin and hitting themselves on the head (doing 1 damage). The may not participate in any combat.
0/13
From: Jeff Alexander
> Dinsdale 4GGG
>This creature eats one creature from either side (determined
>with a die roll) per round. When he is the only creature,
>he eats himself. (Stop that...that's silly.)
No, no, no -- that was Spiny Norman.
And how about...
Dingy Castle B
Summon Wall
If tapped for any reason, Dingy Castle turns into a Swamp.
"It sank..."
0/2
Wedding Party W
Summon Party
May only block Knights. If the Knight has Trample ability, it is ignored.
0/1
From: "Jeremy C. York"
Here's an even weirder version of And Now For Something Completely Different:
And Now for Something Completely Different 2W
Obliterates ALL CARDS except players' libraries. All cards in hand, in graveyard, and in play are put aside and not used. Each player adds the top card in their library to the ante. Then players swap libraries (although not ownership of cards) and each player draws 7 cards from their new library. Cards put aside may not be used for the rest of the game in any way.
From: Paul Peterson (General)
Vocational Guidance Counciler
BB2 Sorcery
Exchange any of your creatures in play for any creature in either graveyard.
" I want to be a lion tamer"
Spam 4
Poly artifact:
1: Make one opponent's land produce colorless mana for one turn.
"Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, swamp, and spam"
General W2
Interrupt
Stops an action(casting spell, attack, fast effect, etc.) in the middle. All tapped cards remain tapped without producing effects, cards being played go to the graveyard.
"Stop that. It's becoming too silly"
Funniest joke ever RR
Enchant creature
Creature dies when tapped, but creatures controller may then place joke card on any other creature in play.
"It's effects were devistating"
From: Paul Peterson (General)
Spiny Norman GG4
4/4
Ignores walls
"Dinsdale?!"
(picture the giant hedgehog peering over the top of a wall)
The Spot BB
Enchant Creature
Owner must pay one mana during upkeep, or creature dies.
"foolishly he ignored it, until one day he died of cancer"
(picture of the prince with the spot on his face.)
From: (Brian Cucksee HSV)
Knights of Ni 4
creature 0/3
Tap to tap all opponents knights in play.
I'm geh-hin beh-her 0
instant
Regenerates creature to 1 toughness
From: "Clay Colwell"
Legendary Black Beast Of AAARRRRGGGGHH
Summon
4BBB
7/7 Trample
Sacrifice a Brother Maynard to it per turn or else it does 7 points damage to its owner.
Fatal Heart Attack
1R
Acts as a Terror card. Has no effect on Red or Artifact Creatures.
Trojan Rabbit
Mono Artifact
1
2*X: use to Summon a Creature face down, where X is the casting cost of the Creature.
Sacrifice and tap a Cow Catapult to destroy all of opponent's knights in play.
WRT Jim Geldmacher's idea for Sir Lancelot:
(summon Knight) 3W
Plainswalk 2/2
Sir Lancelot also should have Swampwalk
(remember the ease with which he made it to Swamp Castle?)
Bloody 'ell, give him *all* the *Walks (including Sillywalk).
From: (Marc Luettchau)
Ok, I can't resist:
Bring Out Your Dead
1B
Instant
Any creatures damaged, but not killed this phase are sent to the graveyard.
"I'm not dead yet." BONK!
From: (Mark A. Sonnes)
Holy Handgrenade of Antioch
4 (NO 3!)
Mono Artifact
2: do 1 damage to all non-white creatures in play. Destroys all rabbits without possibility of regeneration.
From: (Mitch Burton)
Hmmm..
Dead Parrot WW
Mono Artifact
1: Tap two creatures, at least one of which must be controllde by you.
(erm, casting cost should be 2, not WW)
Hmmm.. maybe...
Hell's Grannies 1B
Summon Grannies
Plainswalk
1/2
I like the dead parrot better..
From: mathiesen@brhep1.physics.brown.edu
French Guardsmen
1B
Summon Guardsmen
1/2, Bands, Tap to make an attacking creature -1/-1 from getting blue-faced w/ anger and frustration.
(this is a fun one to collect many of)
Holy Grail Beacon
B
Instant
Acts as a Lure spell for knights only.
Which Witch is Witch?
BB
Summon Witch
1/1
Tap to cast a 1-turn weakness on any creature in play (lasts for one turn,so x/1 creatures may be regenerated). If it would normally be killed, you may sacrifice any of your creatures instead. "I'm not a witch! I'm *not* a witch!"
Quest for the Holy Grail
WWWW
Enchantment
All white creatures lose banding ability, regardless of any other effects, but gain +1/+2. If Grail ever comes into play, this card is discarded.
Holy Grail
5
Mono Artifact
Ivory cup effect, or prevent up to 3 damage;unlike the cup it can only be used once per turn.
--------------------------------
From: SGLENER@rn1.nursing.arizona.edu
The Black Knight BB
Summon Knight
Automatically regenerates
"It's just a flesh wound"
0/1
----------------------------------
From: (Mark A Biggar)
The Blancmange
2WW (its white of course)
Summon alien
Tap to turn any creature into a scotsman
If killed all scotsmen revert to original
cards.
Scotsman
0 (plaid card)
summon scotsman
0/1
------------------------------------
From: Jim Geldmacher
> HOW NOT TO BE SEEN 2B
>This enchantment allows a creature to "hide" until the owner's
>newt untap phase. This creautre may not attack, block, or
^^^^^^^^
Is this a new phase of the game? Or just a clever reference to this card?
The Witch 2G
Tap to turn any creature into a Newt (0/1) until the creatures next (newt?)
untap phase.
"I got better!"
Police Investigator 3W
Tap to destroy any knight in play.
Sir Lancelot 3W
Plainswalk 2/2
--------------------------------
From: (Jonathan Leistiko)
The Spammish Repetition, Interrupt ("Nobody Expects the Spammish Repetition!!!")
play to untap and re-use any Spam-colored card.
Spam Diner Dinner, Sorcery, play to gain one point of health from each Spam-
colored card in play. ("I don't like _Spam_!!!")
BTW - Is Spam-colored-mana called... Spama or Spana? Mam mabye?
Spammic Venom, Enchant Spam, target Spama does 2 damage
to controller when tapped.
Spamdolin Dryads, Summon Creature, 1/1, Spec. Pow.: Spamwalk
Spavanah, Multi-land, Green/White/Spammish
Consecrate Spam, Enchant Spam, All enchantments on target Spam are destroyed.
Spam cannot be destroyed or further... (you know it...)
Spamglasses of Urza, Continuous Artifact, All Plains can be used as Spama.
That's it for now (and I didn't even do a Spamite Healer!!!)...
----------------------------------------
From: (Mitch Burton)
Spambolt, Instant, Does 2 damage to target
Ironroot Spamfolk, Summon Spamfolk, 3/5
Wall of Spam, Summon Wall, 0/4, 1:Regenerates
Mox Spam, Mono Artifact, Add 1 colorless mana to your mana pool. Tapping
this artifact can be played as an interrupt.
-------------------------------------------
From: Paul Peterson (General)
OB Card: How not to be seen 2UU Enchant creature
During each player's untap phase, turn enchanted creature and
enchantment card upside down next to each other in random order. Other
encantments are placed on top of both cards. Anytime the creature
would normally take damage, opponent chooses one of the two cards to
affect. If it is the creature, it takes damage normally. If it is the
enchantment card, the creature takes no damage. Once upturned, the
cards stay that way until the next untap phase, when they are turned over.
"BOOM! BOOM! BOOM - EARGH!! He was behind the middle bush."
-----------------------------------
From: SGLENER@rn1.nursing.arizona.edu
Living Spam- makes all spamlands 1/1 creatures.
The Society for Putting Things on Top of Other Things
-Enchantment- gives target banding ability.
Passion Fruit - Instant - target gains +4/+0
"What if he attacks you with a passion fruit"
Spring Suprise - Enchant creature -1/-2
"Well it was certainly a surprise, wasn't it"
Confuse a Cat, Inc. - Instant - Target creatures is tapped
I thought Spam was a little low on creatures so here are some:
Summon Crunchy Frog 2/2
Summon "It's Guy" 1/3 "It's . . . "
Summon Bruce 1/1 - Tap to end any rules arument in your favor
"There is NO rule #6"
Summon Pepperpot 2/1 "There's a Penguin on the telly"
Summon Scottsman 0/1 "AAAAHHHHAAHHHHHaaaahhhhhh *SPLAT*"
Pirate Accountants-Summon Corporation-3/4 Tap to destroy any other
corporation. "Avast Ye' Matieys, prepare to be boarded"
----------------------------------------
From: Jim Geldmacher
Side of Spam, interrupt, change the text of any card, replacing a single
color word with "Spam"
Spamlace, interrupt, change any card's color to Spam
Spamtasmal Spam, enchant land,target land becomes "Spam" and now produces
colorless mana (Spam-colored mana?)
Spam's Liege,summon, power and toughness equal to the total number of Spam
lands in play, tap to turn any land into Spam
Can of Spam, mono artifact, tap and spend 3 mana to create a 1/1 spam
creature
Hungry Vikings, summon,1/1, tap to destroy any Spam colored card in play
--------------------------------------
From: "Wes Contreras"
Reply-To: gg-l@wizards.com
Sender: gg-l@wizards.com
Subject: MONTE: The Grailing compilation!!!
To: Multiple recipients of list
Errors-To: netsec@wizards.com
Comment: General (public) discussion of Deckmaster games
Originator: gg-l@wizards.com
Version: 5.5 -- Copyright (c) 1991/92, Anastasios Kotsikonas
And now for a "small" compilation of some of the Monte: The Grailing cards (all
stolen from the list, without permission, and often edited slightly, but still
hilariously funny). ;-)
Definitely enough for a goodly run of cards.....
============================
Vorpal Bunny 1W
(Summon Bunny)
Flying
Tap to destroy any Knight
"... Look at the bones!!"
1/1
============================
Wall of Shrubbery G
(Summon Wall)
0/2
============================
Summon Frenchmen 1R
(Summon Frenchman)
Bands
Tap to make an attacking creature
-2/0 for remainer of turn.
1/2
============================
Cow Catapult 2R
(Summon Frenchman)
Sacrifice any creature and tap
to do 4 damage to any one target.
0/4
============================
Power Word "Nee" B
(Instant)
Taps all creatures in play.
============================
Sir Robin's Minstrels WW
(Summon Squires)
Sacrifice this creature to heal
4 Life Points on any 1 target.
0/1
============================
Sir Robin W
(Summon Knight)
Cannot block any creature of
power greater than 0.
"Sir Robin... who personally
wet himself at the Battle of
Badon Hill."
2/3
============================
Bridge of Death UUU
(Summon Wall)
If a creature is blocked, attacking
player must choose a color. The top
card in the attacker's library is
flipped and returned to the bottom
of the library. If the card flipped
is of the color guessed, then the
Bridge of Death is removed from play.
Otherwise, attacking creature is
destroyed without possibility of
resurrection.
-/-
============================
African Swallow UU
(Summon Swallow)
Banding
All creatures in banded group are
considered to be Flying.
0/1
============================
Autonomous Collective BBB
(Acts as farmstead, but with black
mana instead of white... I haven't
seen a farmstead yet. still
a beginner.)
============================
The Green Knight 3B
(Summon Knight)
Regenerates
After every regeneration, it is
-1/0. If power is 0 and it is
regenerated again, it can no
longer block.
2/4
============================
Castle Anthrax 2R
(Enchantment)
All of opponent's knights are
at -2/-1.
============================
Holy Grain Beacon B
(Acts as a Lure spell for
knights only; I haven't seen
a Lure spell either....)
============================
Which Witch is Which? BB
(Summon Witch)
Tap to cause a creature to be
at -1/-2 for remainder of turn.
If Toughness falls below zero,
creature dies but may be regenerated.
If the player controlling the
target creature wishes, he may
sacrifice another creature to
counter this spell.
============================
Quest for the Holy Grail WWWW
(Enchantment)
All white creatures lose banding
ability, but gain +1/+2. If Grail
ever comes into play, this card
is removed from play.
============================
Holy Grail 5
(Poly Artifact)
1: Gain one life with the casting
of any White spell. Tap to prevent
up to 3 damage to any target.
============================
Bring Out Your Dead! 2R
(Instant)
All creatures damaged, but not killed,
previously in this turn are placed
in the Graveyard.
============================
Corpse Cart 1BB
(Poly Artifact)
1: May enchant a creature to +0/+1
each time a creature dies.
============================
Confused Guards W2
(Summon Guards)
When tapped, Guards cannot be untapped
the next turn. The following turn,
they may be untapped as normal. Guards
are tapped when summoned, but can be
untapped normally the next turn.
============================
Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch 3W
(Mono Artifact)
1: May "count" once. After "counting"
three times, the Grenade may be tapped
the next turn (using one White mana) to
do 2 damage to all opponents' non-White
creatures. If the Grenade is not used
the next turn, it does 2 damage to all
your non-White creatures, and is tapped
normally. When tapped, the Grenade also
destroys all Rabbits in play without
possibility of regeneration.
============================
Date: Sat, 29 Jan 94 01:56:44 EST
From: STKN000 (Andy Richard)
-------------
The Larch GG
Enchantment
All Forest in play now produce 1 mana per turn. (.oOh)
"The Larch"
-------------
Eric the Half-a-Bee RR
Summon Bee
Flying. Bands. (1/2) / (1/2)
-------------
Cat Licence 1B
Enchantment
All cats in play now get +1/+1.
"Thats not a Cat Licence... It a dog licence with the word dog
scrached out and the word cat written in crayon."
-------------
Mary Queen of Scots W
Summon Queen
Regenerates. All creatures that can attack card must do so on
attackers turn or be sent to the graveyard.
"I'm not dead yet."
0/1
-------------
Stoning W
Sorcery
Does 3 damage to any target.
"Jehovah ... Jehovah ... Jehovah"
-------------
Dept. of Philosophy, Wala Wala U. 4
Poly Artifact
3: to summon 1 Bruce. Bruces are 1/2 and can band.
"Good-ay Bruce."
--------------
---------------------------------------------------------------
From: bec@crc.com (Brian Cucksee HSV)
Coconut Halves 2G
Tap to make any 1/1 creature a knight for the remainder of the turn with
protection from one the creature color's diametric schools of magic.
|
]